When does a Parent know if they have Raised Good Kids?

This is a question I’ve asked myself multiple times, even more as my children begin to enter adulthood.  I know Scripture says no one is good (Matthew 19:17) but I want to know if I've done a good job of raising my children.   

Currently, my sons are 20 and 17.  The older, Zach, is a junior in college and younger, Nick, is a senior in high school.   I told Nick last week, I take my parenting seriously.  I’m not going to let God reprimand me with, “Kim, you had two jobs…Zach and Nick.”  I explained to him that I think I’ve checked off the big boxes, it’s the smaller / fine print / extra credit boxes I’m working on now.  They know how to walk, talk, clothe themselves, etc.  They will both soon graduate from high school - Zach will soon graduate from college.  I’ve taught them the value of hard work.  Both worked at a local grocery store in high school and learned to use both their checking and savings accounts.  I’ve taught them to tithe, and Nick has been added the bonus of taking care of his own vehicle maintenance at age 17.  When I purchased the vehicle for him, I explained this new responsibility and he said, “Okay, that actually gives me a reason to work.  Before, I was just working because I had the extra time and you said it would be good for me.  Now I have a reason to earn this money, because now I have responsibilities.”  Who knew!?!

I’m now 48, and I’ve lived a great deal of life.  I don’t know if my parents feel as if they did a good job or not, so this question on my mind may not have a real answer, but there are clues!   

A few weeks ago, Nick said he wanted to remove the running boards from his truck.  I told him not to take them off.  To me running boards are something that has to be added to a truck, they are an amenity that costs money.  I searched for a used truck with running boards, a bed liner, and bed cover.  He felt as if the running boards made his truck feminine and wanted them off.  I went home for lunch and he was unscrewing the second one.  I was not happy with my son.  Back at work I mentioned my disdain to a coworker who said, “I’m actually impressed!  There are a lot of 17 year-olds who wouldn’t be able to figure out how to do something like that!   The fact that he figured it out is huge, he knows how to problem-solve, how to work with his hands, he has technical skills - man, that’s big!”  Okay, so I’ll take that as a clue that maybe I’ve done something right.  

Nick also works at Food Lion.  He told me that a woman had come through his line with about a hundred dollars worth of items and paid for them with an EBT card.  He said that when he went on break about 3 hours later, she was sitting on the bench with all of her grocery bags as if waiting for a ride.  He said he felt bad for her, but didn't know what to do.  He said a couple of hours later, he went on another break and she was still there, and he was going to ask her where she lived and offer to take her, but he thought I would be upset if he did that.  He said, "You know, even thinking about it right now, upsets me.  It upsets me that I didn't do anything.  I could have taken her, it would haven been anything at all for me to take her.  Next time something like that happens...I'm not even going to hesitate!"  I said, "Wait, now, you can't just be transporting strangers around town.  I understand where your heart is, but you have to think about your safety.  If it happens again, mention it to your manager, and if it's a woman call me, I probably know her from the Life House.  I'll help."  Anyway, I'll take that as a clue that I've raised a caring young man! 

My older son, Zach, made me a grandma three months ago.  He and his girlfriend are parents to my grandson, Jackson.  Zach, once he knew he would become a dad, resigned from the on-campus, lower-paying job I encouraged him to take for the experience.  He then studied for and earned his license to sell insurance, and took a job with a State Farm agent in Clemson.  Last year, and currently, he works full-time and is enrolled in classes full-time.  He has found them an apartment that is safe and affordable.  His girlfriend graduated from Western Carolina University in May, and she will begin working within the next two weeks.  They have divided their bills, including daycare, and are making it all work.  While I was quite surprised that my first grandchild would be born in 2024, I wouldn’t take anything in the world for this child.  He has my whole heart.  This could be a whole separate blog post…back to the clues I’ve been seeking.  Last week, Zach’s girlfriend posted this picture, and I’ll take it as a clue that I’ve raised a responsible, loving, young man.

~Psalm 112:1-5
1Praise the Lord. Blessed are those who fear the Lord,
    who find great delight in his commands.
2 Their children will be mighty in the land;
    the generation of the upright will be blessed.
3 Wealth and riches are in their houses,
    and their righteousness endures forever.
4 Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
    for those who are gracious and compassionate and righteous.
5 Good will come to those who are generous and lend freely,
    who conduct their affairs with justice.