I’ve shared this testimony a few times, but it has been a while, so I will share again. I was raised attending church and Sunday school each week. But my prayers largely began, “Please, Lord…” As a young adult I was intent on being independent. I was thankful to my parents for putting me through college and getting me off to a good start, and I was not going to need their financial assistance. I worked as a teacher, saved what I could, I worked a second job, and I tutored from my home all to build enough financial security that I could maintain my independence. Some people described me a focussed. I was, but in hindsight, that independent spirit was also a prideful heart. My independence was self-reliance. If “ye of little faith,” was a meme, it would have had my face on it. I had a plan, and I worked my plan, and there was no room for anything else. (Psalm 10:4 In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.)
In 2012, my world was rocked. I had been married since 1998, but it came to an end. I was embarrassed, my parents were angry, I didn’t know if I could financially support myself and two sons, I worried we might lose our house, it was a frantic time. For all of my prior adult life, relying on myself was sufficient, I didn’t really need God, I knew He was there, and might be able to help, but I saved my need for Him to dire circumstances and worked diligently not to ever have dire circumstances. In 2012, however, every minute of the day seemed dire. I didn’t know how to legally end a marriage, how to be a single parent, how to put utilities in my name, and I didn’t know how to ask for help. I considered whether it was even worth trying to keep living. The road ahead seemed too hard.
One evening I prayed, and I didn’t start with, “Please, Lord…” I prayed, “Dear Lord, I have so much to be thankful for, especially my boys. Lord, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what tomorrow holds, and I need help. Lord, this feels like the first time I’ve ever lost control of my life, although I know deep down that I’ve never truly been in control. What I thought was me, was really You. Self aside, Lord, what do I need to do?” I went to bed, truly not knowing what to do, surrendering all to God. I awoke the next morning with the solution. It wasn’t going to be easy, and it wasn’t going to be popular, and I knew it wasn’t Kim’s idea. I had to sell my beloved vehicle. This would leave us with a much older, but paid-for car.
I told the boys and we all cried, and they wanted to know why. I didn’t know how to sell a car! I went to the credit union that financed it and they gave me the paperwork I would need to have the new buyer sign and explained the process - they even suggested that I complete the financial transaction in their office so they could verify the funds and I wouldn’t get “taken.” Together, the boys and I washed our SUV, vacuumed it out, and drove it one last time. It was a Sunday afternoon when we parked it with a For Sale sign in the window. I prayed, asking the Lord that this be a speedy process because it was hard for all of us. On Thursday, someone called wanting to test drive it. On Friday, we finalized the sale at the credit union. I paid off the loan, paid off the credit card, and had $2000 to pad my paycheck each month, if needed. I could breathe again. It was not Kim, but Him. Ye of little faith, became ye of much faith, and this faith remains. So many, countless, prayers were answered that day, I was a bundle of emotion.
I could be frantic right now with so many unknowns. I enjoy my work, I enjoy the people with whom I work, I like to go out and be social, I like hugs and conversations, but none of those things can happen right now. I know there are closures galore and lots of money failing to exchange hands. I know there are people who have always been financially independent who now don’t know when they will receive their next paycheck. I know there are high school seniors who don’t know if they will get to complete their dreams of prom and graduation. I know this! It took a dire situation to change my thinking from that of self-reliance and pride, to humble and obedient. He can, and will, do the same for you. We all have a tendency to operate as if we are in control of our own future, and it is our free-will to think this way, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Personally, I believe the Lord, through Coronavirus, is stimulating us to need Him. We can make face masks out of paper towels and hoard a guest room full of toilet paper, but in the end - “As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.” (Romans 14:11) The longer we resist the longer the social distancing orders will persist. Are you ready to acknowledge God, today?
Have an awesome week!
Stay safe and sanitized!