Last week, I wrote about God’s answer to one of my prayer requests being No. I thought I had the solution to my problem, but He had a different solution and His solution reigns supreme. I closed out the post with Isaiah 55:8-9 8For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. 9“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9) On last Sunday, one of the sermons I listened to referenced the same verses. Those verses have been speaking to me all week.
I’m a thinker and a planner, but 2020 has really forced me to become adaptable. It’s shown me that my plans must be made in pencil not ink. In January, I was making plans for a community-wide youth conference, but had difficulty pinning down a date in June to reserve the building. Little did I know, my frustration about that was for naught - nothing was happening in June 2020. One of my goals for 2020 was not to start any new book projects - I was convicted of that thought in February. How dare I resolve not to use my spiritual gift for a year? During the closure, I wrote a novel - the first novel I’ve written in ten years!
I think back even further to the plans I made, the thoughts I had, and how His thoughts, His much greater thoughts have shaped my life. I graduated college with the full intention of teaching Biology. My first job was teaching Physical Science. It was a great job, at a great school, that afforded me lots of opportunities for growth and leadership. I stayed there for seven years teaching Physical Science. I left to teach Biology at a different school, finally, at least that’s what I was told in June when I signed the contract. By August, they needed me to teach Physical Science. Later they did need me to teach Biology and serve as the Science Department Chair, a few years later they needed me to teach Chemistry. Then the position of Science Curriculum Specialist became available and I had taught each of the major sciences. That wasn’t in Kim’s plans for sure, but...His plans are greater than ours.
We have a choice. He gives us free will and a brain that is capable of planning and reasoning. We can hold fast to our own plans and work hard to get what we want OR we can operate in faith. Faith understands that His thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways, and is willing to step aside so that His will be done. This week, I was convicted on the fact that I keep saying this is my 23rd year of teaching and I can and will retire in 5 more years. Maybe I won’t. Maybe He has other plans. Maybe my calculations are not His calculations. Maybe my calculations are irrelevant. My children want us to move. I think it’s because during #stayathome they have become tired of this house. I’ve been dead set against any thought of moving. I like my house, the neighborhood, the location, the payment, etc. Not moving. This week, I’ve been convicted on that. I still don’t want to move, but maybe staying here is Kim’s plan, not His. Maybe He has something better that I am closing my mind to considering. Our house needs a few things, and this week we obtained quotes. I still don’t desire to move, but these few things will make our own lives here better, and if moving is in His plans for us, the improvements will make the house more attractive to a buyer.
I was in a poor marital situation and I knew remaining was for naught. I knew it was because I wanted to save face and not go through the whole divorce process. I knew it wasn’t good for my children. I knew it was making me a dark-hearted individual. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to be a single-parent, although I already was one. I didn’t know about life after divorce. I couldn’t fathom that. All I could see was my current situation and it was better than the unknown. The Holy Spirit, God, Himself called me out on my pride. It doesn’t take long, however, for it to creep back in. This week I’ve been working on that - stepping back and allowing God to be God in my life. Amen.
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Copyright 2020 Kimberly G. Massey