Examine Your Relationships

We recently had a birthday cookout for my son and he invited lots of friends.  As everyone began to arrive, they migrated to the backyard and mingled, seemingly enjoying seeing one another since it has been a few weeks since the school year ended.  As I was inside prepping the food one of his friends came back into the house.  “Oh my God.  Mrs. Kim, I can’t go back out there.”
    “Why?”  I asked.
    “Because [girl’s name] is out there.”
    “What’s wrong with that?”
    “Because - I hate her!”
    “What, why?
    “Because of something that happened a long time ago, when we were in middle school and I just still hate her.”
    “You mean she said something to you in middle school and you’re still mad about it?”
    “No ma’am.  I did something to her and she’s probably still mad at me!”
    Confused, I said, “And you hate her?  You did something to her and now you hate her?”
    “Yes, because she’s probably mad at me!”
    I thought for a minute and said, “It sounds to me like you walked outside and all of your guilt from whatever you did returned to your mind.  She didn’t do anything, but you know what you did was wrong, and so rather than apologize you have turned your embarrassment into hatred.”
    He said, “Yeah, yeah, you’re right!”
    I said, “So...why don’t you take this opportunity to apologize and the two of you can enjoy a senior year as friends who don’t have this guilty conscience between you.”
    He said, “No ma’am.  You’re right, it’s my guilt, but apologize...I’m not doing all that.  I’m just going to stay in here and help you with the food.”
    I said, “Nope, I’ve got the food, you go mingle and apologize if the Spirit leads you to do so.”
    He didn’t apologize.  He just avoided her for the evening.  

This conversation with my son’s 17 year-old friend has stuck out in my mind for the past few days.  He is allowing a middle schooler’s offense to continue to plague his relationship with someone who could be his friend.  By isolating himself from the others outside he wasn’t building any relationships that might prove to be important later.  He might need a job reference, he might need a partner for a school project, he might need a ride to practice or a ride home one day - anything.  We need each other here on this Earth and it seems crazy to me that we would let something from long ago hinder us now.   

This young man is not the only person allowing something old to hinder the new.  I’ve been thinking about it - all sorts of things could damage our relationships.  Things can be said or implied or misunderstood or lies could be told that leave us with a bad impression.  It’s important to face up to it and try to make amends.  I have a friend who asked me to read her book and give her feedback.  I told her it could be while since we were in the middle of moving.  Well, as of last week, I never finished.  I felt bad about it.  Every time I saw her I felt like a horrible person - I didn’t hate her, I knew I was the one who failed her, but I just couldn’t find the time to finish.  On Friday, I saw her, sat next to her and apologized for not completing the reading.  I told her that I tried, which was true, and that I had written some things that might be helpful in the margins of the portion I did read.  I think we are okay.  The next time I see her, I won’t feel the need to cower away wondering if she’s mad because I didn’t finish the book.  

If we are not careful, we can fail to see God’s loving hand on our lives because in our minds He didn’t do something we asked of Him in the past.  I have actually heard people say they don’t believe in God because He took their grandmother or their mother or their best friend away.  We must always realize that God is God.  Whether we acknowledge Him or love Him or talk to Him or have a relationship with Him, He is still the God of the universe.  He is still our Creator.  He is still the one who planned our life.  And He still loves us whether we love Him or not.  If we are not careful, we can turn our backs to the One who is.  Jesus said, He is the way, the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.  Through Jesus, we can have life and have it more abundantly - but this comes through a relationship.  

This week, I beg you to examine your relationships.  Yes, I’m talking about with friends and family, but I am also referring to your relationship with Jesus.  He loves you more than you can fathom.  Amen. 

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Thank you for reading!  
Please, please, please share with someone you know and love. 
​Kim