Too Many Open tabs

Some time ago, I was feeling overwhelmed, and I asked the Lord if I could start publishing this message weekly rather than monthly.  He clearly said no.  It was not the answer I wanted, but I accepted it and continued to be obedient.  This week, I asked Him if I could take an 8-week break to take care of some things, such as myself.  He hasn’t said no - or at least I don’t think He has.

My family has been in a new home for a month and we love it and we know that we are abundantly blessed.  I am feeling some frustration over the fact that I cannot make it what I really want, as fast as I want it to happen.  I think these feelings are compounded by the fact that since December we have been in transition.  I’m tired of boxes, tired of things not being in place.  I want to hang curtains, paint, clean, and update - but it’s difficult with work, family, and other activities.  

Yesterday at work I was preparing for a Zoom session scheduled for Monday and I thought I should email a quick reminder to all of the teachers who had registered to come.  I typed the email then went to the registration portal to see who should receive the email.  I was disappointed to see that no one had registered.  I had a moment of rather negative thoughts.  Then I asked myself, did I send out the email announcing the session?  I searched my Sent folder, but could not find it.  Then I scrolled through my Drafts folder and there it was - I had typed it two weeks ago, it, but had never clicked send.  I looked at the top of my Drafts folder and saw that I had 300 Draft emails - emails that I had begun but never finished and never sent.  Later in the day, my frustration got the best of me again when I had so many tabs open that I couldn’t find something I needed.  I told my colleagues, “Y’all, I’m going to close Google Chrome and just start over.  I have too many open tabs.”  They stared at me.  I said, “For real, I’ve got too much going on and I can’t find stuff, I’m forgetting things.…” I realized that all these open tabs were like a metaphor of my life - too many open tabs.  I said, “I’m going to close the program.  And you know what, I’m going to delete this Drafts folder.”  They stared at me.  I looked at the mess on my computer and I deleted and closed.  It felt good.  I didn’t feel any remorse or regret.  It was overdue.  It was like cleaning out an old closet.  

I really feel led by the Holy Spirit to share a Scripture-based message each week, but it can be a burden when my time is so limited.   Truly, I have realized my whole life is like a browser with 100 open tabs.  And when there are so many open tabs, it drains the system, and slows down progress.  I’m convinced that I am more productive when I start earlier in the day.  To awaken at 5:30am and exercise, however, I must go to bed earlier.  My goal is now 10:00pm.  Going to bed earlier is what I have not mastered.   This may be the last post for few weeks.  I am going to work on myself.  I am going to spend time in prayer asking the Lord which tabs I need to keep open and which ones should close.  I tell my kids that cleanliness is Godliness.  I am going to work on demonstrating that truth.  I am going to work on establishing some new good habits while settling into our new home.  I will miss you all.  This is not the end, it is a pause.  Prayerfully, when the weekly message resumes, it will be even better as it’s author should be in a better physical and mental place.   Your prayers are appreciated. 



Thank you for your patience! 
​Peace and love to you!
Kim
​